Star Wars VII – The Force Awakens (2015)

Rating: 7/10 (Actually a good movie).

 

Synopsis:

30 odd years after the Empire was defeated, The First Order – basically a newer, snazzier version of the Empire – has come to power and threatens to destroy all who oppose them.  It’s up to the Resistance (nee Rebellion) to join up with some familiar faces (and some new sexy ones) to put a stop to the baddies evil shenanigans.

 

MPAA Rating:

This movie has been rated PG-13 for a bit of violence, but mostly against aliens or faceless, evil mercenaries

 

Plot:
kylo-ren
Jazz Hands!

It’s been 30 years since the end of the Empire and Luke Skywalker is nowhere to be found.  A new evil empire has risen out of the ashes, The First Order, and seem set to continue on the legacy of the previous administration – general planet exploding, debauchery and the like.  Headed by General Hux (Domhnall Gleeson) and the Sith-esque Kylo Ren (Adam Driver), The First Order seem to be under the instructions of the mysterious Supreme Leader Snoke, who’s either a giant or they just have really big holograms.  Kylo Ren seems to be an understudy to the defeated Darth Vader, and is hell bent on finding Luke Skywalker, presumably to enact some kind of vengeance.

 

 

Han So-OLD is more like it!
Han So-OLD is more like it!

He’s not the only one looking for Skywalker though, the Resistance, which is some spin off of the Republic, are also hot on his trail and have found a missing piece to the puzzle – a map which is in the possession of some dude on a planet very similar to Tatooine – Jakku.  The Resistance’s best pilot, Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac), goes to collect along with his trusty droid, BB-8.  Wouldn’t you know, Kylo and his boys show up and torch the place, capturing Poe and the map.  But wait, BB-8 pulls a classic “R2-D2” and makes with the map into the desert.

 

 

 

Rey.... something? Maybe its just Rey. Like Beyonce
Rey…. something? Maybe its just Rey. Like Beyonce

Cue Rey (Daisy Ridley), a scavenger collecting scrap metal and parts to trade for food.  She comes across the little droid and takes him under her care – feeling there’s something more to this bot than meets the eye.  Meanwhile, stormtrooper FN…something something (John Boyega), becomes disillusioned with the evil doings of his employers (in a manner akin to a Nazi suddenly crying “wait, are we the baddies??”) decides to jump ship, taking Poe Dameron with him.

 

 

 

 

 

OMG - that stormtrooper is black!! :O Nobody tell twitter!
OMG – that stormtrooper is black!! :O Nobody tell twitter!

They zip back down to Jakku to collect Poe’s droid.  It’s here that Finn (as he is now known) meets up with Rey, who turns out to not quite be the damsel in distress that he assumes.  They steal a ship and head off to join the Rebellion and return the droid containing the map to Luke Skywalker.

 

 

 

 

 

Derp Verderr!!
Derp Verderr!!

That’s about all I can say without the Internet police jumping down my throat.  Yes, Han Solo and Chewie show up.  Yes, Princess Leia makes an appearance or two.  That’s it, I’ve said too much already!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pros:
  • Fast paced action flick with plenty of pew pew and szhvung (lightsaber noise) to keep everyone happy
  • Good strong lead characters (similar to Ep IV)
  • Plenty of one liners to elicit a chuckle or two
  • Roughly 1/4 the amount of lens flare compared to other JJ “The Lens Flare King” Abrams movies
  • Seemed to abandon the rediculous names from I, II, III (General Grievous, etc)
  • Good to see english accents being used to portray good guys in Star Wars (not just imperial scum)
  • Flametroopers are awesome!
Cons:
  • Some plot elements are ignored when convenient
  • While Ridley gives a strong performance overall, I felt her action scenes were weak
  • Relied on nostalgia a little too much IMO
  • Not to spoil, but Kylo Ren is just too Emo for me

 

Verdict:

While not a huge Star Wars fan (meaning I don’t dress up and Leia hair buns don’t enter into my top 10 sexual fantasies), I am a fan of Episodes IV, V and to a lesser extent VI.  I’m not a fan of 30-40 year olds wetting themselves behind me in the cinema, clapping when C3PO shows up on screen or taking photographs in the middle of the movie with the flash on… seriously, that actually happened!!  Anywho, it’s for that reason that I waited a week or two before posting anything so the anger and fury could dissipate (slightly).  Otherwise I probably would have just said it’s shite and given 1/10

Now though, I can reflect back on the movie like a calm, sane person and can come to the conclusion that it is a good, entertaining movie that fits in to the Star Wars universe quite well, undoing some of the damage done by Lucas with the last 3 CGI laden tripe fests.  Realistically, for me, this movie sits somewhere between Ep IV (probably on a par with it TBH) and Ep V (which it isn’t close to in terms of quality).  I don’t want to post any spoilers so I can’t talk about the numerous plot holes, errors, etc which work against this movie.  It does feel to me to be similar to The Fellowship of the Ring, where this movie is being used mainly to build a story for Episode VIII, which by all accounts looks like it will be a much better movie.  In which case, bring on 2017!

A good action packed movie with loads of tidbits and bonus Star Wars extras that probably went completely over my head  7/10

ps.  If you want a good game, here’s how to make your very own Star Wars name!  Take the first 2 characters of your last name and add the first 3 characters of your first prostitute.  For the surname take the name of the your least favourite Beatle. Mine is Ketwi Ringo.  What’s yours?

Movie Cricket

Stupid movies make me mad >:(

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