Captain Pete “Maverick” Mitchell is tasked with training up some of the best graduates from the Top Gun naval academy for a dangerous mission against a non-Russian, but somehow probably Russian threat

MPAA Rating

PG-13 for Intense action scenes and mild cussing – in one part they say “balls”, but it’s preceded with “Goodness gracious, great” and followed by “of fire”

Highway to the morgue - stick on a couple of helmets ye twits!

Captain Pete “Maverick” Mitchell (Tom Cruise) is one of the best pilots the Top Gun naval academy has ever produced.  He can do it all – barrell rolls, loop-de-loops, landing…. actually, he hasn’t quite mastered landing yet.  It’s safe to say that he’s probably crashed every plane he’s flown!   Shit, even I could do that!  Anyway, fresh from his latest crash, Mav is asked back to the academy to train the best former pilots up for a dangerous mission into the danger zone that will require skill, courage and you guessed it – great balls of fire.

But, there’s a hitch – one of the pilots is Goose’s son, remember Goose?  He was Maverick’s BFF from the first movie but he died when he tried to eject – presumably because he didn’t want to be in the plane when Maverick tried to land.   Goose’s son, played by Miles Teller, doesn’t like Maverick and makes this known by giving him moody eyes and twitching his moustache – apparently moustaches are hereditary.

Careful, those 5G fighters can give ya brain cancer
Ironically, Jon Hamm is probably the least hammiest of all the actors in this

Maverick has his work cut out for him getting the pilots in to shape as even though they all finished top of their class they are kinda shit at flying.  Mav does this the only way he knows how – push ups and beach football.  And it works too, and soon enough they are all ready to take on the enemy, who are equiped with advanced 5th-gen fighter planes, which as we all know are one better than the 4th-gen planes.

Will Maverick and his merry band of pilots be able to fly through the twisty canyons, avoid the turrets and enemy planes and blow up the death star uranium thing? Will the Russian… I mean not-Russians have a trick or two up their sleeves? Will they get to go into the Danger Zone, like right into the Danger Zone?

No Top Gun is complete without some terrrible singing
  • Nostalgic and pretty much true to the original
  • Great action shots
  • The decision to not rely on CGI (mostly)
  • Plot is nonsensical
  • Tom Cruise acting is cringeworthy

Do you like planes?  Do you like motorbikes?  Do you like Tom Cruise riding around on both those things in aviators?  Well the good news is this might be your new favourite movie!  But then your old one is probably the original Top Gun so you don’t really need to hear this from me

If however you also like a plot that makes sense and don’t like cringe inducing scenes where Top Cruise tries to act like he’s not a cyborg then this movie probably won’t make it into your top 10.

The entire premise of the movie is about as plausible as me winning a Pulitzer for this review – sure I can tell people it’s gonna happen but everyone knows it’s horseshit.  The central mission in the movie seems to be ripped straight from Star Wars but instead of some cute ewoks we have to put up with some annoying, egotistical adrenaline junkies with few redeemable qualities on display.

That said, the original movie was pretty much nonsense as well and in some ways this feels more like a reboot than a sequel.  But the original Top Gun is from a different era when movies could throw up a few airplanes, explosions and awkward sex scenes and we didn’t seem to care about the bad acting and hole ridden plots.  I don’t think that cuts it anymore but apparently average joe public and AMPAS disagree – imagine if this won Best Picture!  Madness altogether.

In short, it’s probably worth a watch if only for the nostalgia side of things but be sure to turn your brain off first – like dial right down to zero. 5/10